Real Abandonment

   I read the Chambers devotion for today early this morning before I left to go back to prison for the day. I know the title is Abandonment and the article is about "real" abandonment. So I tried to think about this as I was inside the wire today.

   Abandonment to God that is real, according to Chambers, is nothing but complete focus on God Himself. No thought of family, of wife, of job, of anything but God. There is no thought of being cleansed from sin, of receiving the Holy Spirit and becoming a great Christian servant. Only the focus counts and all else is mainly self interest.

   So what about a day of ministry in prison. God has worked in the lives of inmates and, I believe, in workers as well. I can only speak for myself, but I felt the confirmation of what we are doing just in simple acts that happened over the course of the day. An inmate asking me to pray with him about some concerns, a talk that was given, another inmate who came down and prayed with me after the talk as I was sitting alone in the chapel, several one on one conversations that seemed well received by the inmate concerned. Nothing earth shattering, but just a feeling that God was in it with me.

   Now I know that this is far short of the abandonment as defined up above. I realized this as the day moved forward. It was not even close. My thoughts were concentrated on the actions of myself and others as we went through the program, not just on God Himself.

   I have a feeling that Chambers is right, but I cannot grasp a vision of what that actually looks like or how to get there. It is hard to be busy in service and take time to concentrate on God through that time.

   Perhaps the busyness is the key. If I concentrate on God, any actual service will flow from that, and not the other way around.

   The dilemma is how to go about this abandonment, if God would show me how, and not appear a shirker in the service realm. What would others say? That is a problem for someone who always wants to look good.

   The questions raised almost seem rhetorical when Chambers definition is used. The next question, Me?

   HELP