"Growth in grace is measured not by the fact that you have not gone back, but that you have an insight into where you are spiritually; you have heard God say "Come up higher," not to you personally, but to the insight of your character."
Maybe it is because I am much closer to the end of my life than to the beginning, and I do have a lot to look back on, but God is asking me to continue to grow. So much of my past was spent in looking good in His kingdom, appearing to be the spiritual leader that others perceived me to be, that that became my goal. Not real spiritual growth but a pseudo growth that just said and lived the "spiritually correct" life in front of others. I was reinforced in this way of life by others as they put me in places of leadership in the church where I really had no place serving.
God knows me better, and He sees my life from the inside, He understands my motives , both past and present, that I can hide from those around me. This can be both scary and good. Scary in that I can be exposed as a charlatan in the spiritual arena, and good that this fact can cause me to honestly evaluate my past and present actions and motives.
Chambers asked, in today's reading, that I compare my spiritual life a year ago to today and see if there was any growth. Maybe I don't see a whole lot, but I do have a realization of areas of failure in the past and the motives that controlled much of my life, especially in the church. I also am aware of what He is doing in my life now. I am honestly trying to seek His face, not to get ahead, but just to know Him.
I would like my life to be characterized by a closeness to God. I don't want to have people look at me and say how good I am, when all the time I am saying "Oh, if you only knew".
I pray that God will lead me in all of this, and that I can finish my life walking in His way, with Him as my guide.
And all the people said "Amen"
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