Chambers talks today, (actually it was yesterday, but we were traveling that day and did not get to blog or read anything on the net), on prayer, specifically intercessory prayer.
I know that this is a very important subject, but my praying life is so weak that I can't even comprehend what a good prayer life looks like. All I know is that I think it surely does not look like mine.
Thankfulness is my strong suit, which is good, but my striving for intimate conversation with God over other people or problems does not often take place. I know that God has blessed me, and I know where these blessing come from, and I know that God is pleased with my acknowledgment of these facts, but they do not lead to a deeper relationship with Him. They seem to just touch the surface of what I need.
The other day I taught a fourth grade class , and the first thing these kids do (at this Christian school) is have a prayer time. They use the ACTS method of composing their prayers. A for adoration, C for confession, T for thanks, and S for supplication, and they do it well.
The adoration part I lack, as I just jump right in to thanks. I am OK with the confession, because I see my sins pretty well, but I fall short in seeing exactly how these look in God's eyes (except that they are bad), and how His heart is grieved with a lot of my life. The supplication should cause me to focus on the needs of others, but a lot of the time I know of the problems of others, and these do not affect me below the surface level.
My shortcomings jump out at me, and, in my heart, I wonder if I really believe that prayer is important. Does it really work, or is my life so blessed that I don't get very deep? Do I really believe that God hears what I say and that He does care? Is prayer real or just a mental ascent into cyberspace? I say it is important, but my life does not bear that out.
In short, I need to get by the "God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food" recitation.
God continues to give me revelation as to where I am, but I need His help in moving to a higher plane and a much deeper level of relationship.
Help!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Expectation
"It is not service that matters, but intense spiritual reality, expecting Jesus Christ at every turn."
Do I drift through life not expecting to see Jesus except maybe when I am taking a quiet time in devotional thought, like the working on this journal? I sit down with my Chambers book, my Bible, my Journal, and I am ready to see Him and interact (hopefully) with Him in quiet contemplation.
Do I even give Him much thought at all after I get up from this quiet time and go about living life?
Do I see other people in other situations and even realize that Jesus is here in this place at this time, if I will only open my eyes to see?
I compartmentalize my life every day, not really expecting my beliefs to be bourne out in my everyday life. Jesus is OK for my quiet religious study, but to expect to see Him out here in the real world, maybe that is too much. If I do manage to get past myself and see Him at work around me, it is unexpected.
Oh God, Please show me Jesus in all of my everyday life experiences. Let me expect to see Him in all I do and all I see. Let me not see the task but the person who is the reason. Even this very day. Amen.
Do I drift through life not expecting to see Jesus except maybe when I am taking a quiet time in devotional thought, like the working on this journal? I sit down with my Chambers book, my Bible, my Journal, and I am ready to see Him and interact (hopefully) with Him in quiet contemplation.
Do I even give Him much thought at all after I get up from this quiet time and go about living life?
Do I see other people in other situations and even realize that Jesus is here in this place at this time, if I will only open my eyes to see?
I compartmentalize my life every day, not really expecting my beliefs to be bourne out in my everyday life. Jesus is OK for my quiet religious study, but to expect to see Him out here in the real world, maybe that is too much. If I do manage to get past myself and see Him at work around me, it is unexpected.
Oh God, Please show me Jesus in all of my everyday life experiences. Let me expect to see Him in all I do and all I see. Let me not see the task but the person who is the reason. Even this very day. Amen.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Faith in a Person
"Are you debating whether to take a step in faith in Jesus or to wait until you can see how to do the thing yourself? Obey Him with glad reckless joy. When He says something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a conception of His honour which is not His honour. Are you loyal to Jesus or loyal to your notion of Him? Are you loyal to what He says, or are you trying to compromise with conceptions which never came from Him? "Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it."
It is really not a step of faith when I can see how to do something myself. God gives us minds with which to think, and He does expect us to use them, but not at the time that He clearly wants us to go and do.
My tendency, even when I sense a call to some service, is to look at how it can be done, try to see the end result and then go out and attempt it. My motives may be good, but I am not really honoring Jesus when I figure out the plan on my own. If the task really does not seem that practical, I surely must have "misunderstood" the call itself, right?
Chambers says "Faith is not intelligent understanding, faith is deliberate commitment to a Person where I see no way". Commitment to a Person and not to something that I can understand? How can a down-to-earth, pragmatic man ever do that? Not by looking inside of himself, that is for sure.
Faith in a Person, I'd better meditate on that.
It is really not a step of faith when I can see how to do something myself. God gives us minds with which to think, and He does expect us to use them, but not at the time that He clearly wants us to go and do.
My tendency, even when I sense a call to some service, is to look at how it can be done, try to see the end result and then go out and attempt it. My motives may be good, but I am not really honoring Jesus when I figure out the plan on my own. If the task really does not seem that practical, I surely must have "misunderstood" the call itself, right?
Chambers says "Faith is not intelligent understanding, faith is deliberate commitment to a Person where I see no way". Commitment to a Person and not to something that I can understand? How can a down-to-earth, pragmatic man ever do that? Not by looking inside of himself, that is for sure.
Faith in a Person, I'd better meditate on that.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Confession and Hope
"Growth in grace is measured not by the fact that you have not gone back, but that you have an insight into where you are spiritually; you have heard God say "Come up higher," not to you personally, but to the insight of your character."
Maybe it is because I am much closer to the end of my life than to the beginning, and I do have a lot to look back on, but God is asking me to continue to grow. So much of my past was spent in looking good in His kingdom, appearing to be the spiritual leader that others perceived me to be, that that became my goal. Not real spiritual growth but a pseudo growth that just said and lived the "spiritually correct" life in front of others. I was reinforced in this way of life by others as they put me in places of leadership in the church where I really had no place serving.
God knows me better, and He sees my life from the inside, He understands my motives , both past and present, that I can hide from those around me. This can be both scary and good. Scary in that I can be exposed as a charlatan in the spiritual arena, and good that this fact can cause me to honestly evaluate my past and present actions and motives.
Chambers asked, in today's reading, that I compare my spiritual life a year ago to today and see if there was any growth. Maybe I don't see a whole lot, but I do have a realization of areas of failure in the past and the motives that controlled much of my life, especially in the church. I also am aware of what He is doing in my life now. I am honestly trying to seek His face, not to get ahead, but just to know Him.
I would like my life to be characterized by a closeness to God. I don't want to have people look at me and say how good I am, when all the time I am saying "Oh, if you only knew".
I pray that God will lead me in all of this, and that I can finish my life walking in His way, with Him as my guide.
And all the people said "Amen"
Maybe it is because I am much closer to the end of my life than to the beginning, and I do have a lot to look back on, but God is asking me to continue to grow. So much of my past was spent in looking good in His kingdom, appearing to be the spiritual leader that others perceived me to be, that that became my goal. Not real spiritual growth but a pseudo growth that just said and lived the "spiritually correct" life in front of others. I was reinforced in this way of life by others as they put me in places of leadership in the church where I really had no place serving.
God knows me better, and He sees my life from the inside, He understands my motives , both past and present, that I can hide from those around me. This can be both scary and good. Scary in that I can be exposed as a charlatan in the spiritual arena, and good that this fact can cause me to honestly evaluate my past and present actions and motives.
Chambers asked, in today's reading, that I compare my spiritual life a year ago to today and see if there was any growth. Maybe I don't see a whole lot, but I do have a realization of areas of failure in the past and the motives that controlled much of my life, especially in the church. I also am aware of what He is doing in my life now. I am honestly trying to seek His face, not to get ahead, but just to know Him.
I would like my life to be characterized by a closeness to God. I don't want to have people look at me and say how good I am, when all the time I am saying "Oh, if you only knew".
I pray that God will lead me in all of this, and that I can finish my life walking in His way, with Him as my guide.
And all the people said "Amen"
Saturday, March 26, 2011
A Pure Heart, Me?
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." (Matthew 5:8)
"The Meaning. This beatitude picks up an Old Testament image and applies it to its fulfillment in the kingdom. It describes both an inner purity and a singleness of mind. The "heart" is used in the Bible for the will, the choices. And so to be pure in heart means that the decisions one makes, the desires one has, the thoughts and intentions of the will, are untarnished by sin, and that the will is determined to be pleasing to God. From the pure of heart come only good things, acts of love and mercy, desires for righteousness and justice, decisions that please God."
I must confess that most of the time when I hear this Scripture from Matthew 5, I just pass right on by, saying that this is true and sounds good to me. I don't give much thought to any meaning or why Jesus put this in this teaching time.
I need to think about what God wants when He says that He will bless those whose lives are built on this principle. If I want to be blessed, and I do, then I need to know what all of this means.
What is a pure heart? The Bible indicates that this "heart status" is a key to living to please God. James equates an impure heart with being double minded. That is trying to live with one foot in God's kingdom and one foot in the world. It is appearing to be godly on the outside and being worldly on the inside. It is the motives of the heart and also the actions of the hands. In short, a lot of times, it is me.
Only God can bring about a pure heart. I cannot clean up my act on my own, even if I say I want to.
I have two prayers today:
forgive me for my double-mindedness
create in me a new heart,
Amen
"The Meaning. This beatitude picks up an Old Testament image and applies it to its fulfillment in the kingdom. It describes both an inner purity and a singleness of mind. The "heart" is used in the Bible for the will, the choices. And so to be pure in heart means that the decisions one makes, the desires one has, the thoughts and intentions of the will, are untarnished by sin, and that the will is determined to be pleasing to God. From the pure of heart come only good things, acts of love and mercy, desires for righteousness and justice, decisions that please God."
I must confess that most of the time when I hear this Scripture from Matthew 5, I just pass right on by, saying that this is true and sounds good to me. I don't give much thought to any meaning or why Jesus put this in this teaching time.
I need to think about what God wants when He says that He will bless those whose lives are built on this principle. If I want to be blessed, and I do, then I need to know what all of this means.
What is a pure heart? The Bible indicates that this "heart status" is a key to living to please God. James equates an impure heart with being double minded. That is trying to live with one foot in God's kingdom and one foot in the world. It is appearing to be godly on the outside and being worldly on the inside. It is the motives of the heart and also the actions of the hands. In short, a lot of times, it is me.
Only God can bring about a pure heart. I cannot clean up my act on my own, even if I say I want to.
I have two prayers today:
forgive me for my double-mindedness
create in me a new heart,
Amen
Friday, March 25, 2011
True Service
"Christian work may be a means of evading the soul's concentration on Jesus Christ."
If I am aware of anything that has characterized my life, it is the willingness to be a servant worker in the church, but the longer I go, the more I am also aware that this has been a service without a concentration of awareness on Jesus Himself.
It has been much easier to work than to abide, or to even think much on Christ, and this has to been to my detriment. I have rejoiced in the servant's role and felt good about myself without any deep meaning in my life. From reading the Scriptures, it appears that most of my work will be burned up like hay and stubble, and that grieves me.
Has my life been wasted? Is it too late now to do service correctly?
Thank God, the realization has come, even at this late date. I want to put my focus where it should be, on Jesus.
God help me do this and seek His opportunities for true service, not mine.
If I am aware of anything that has characterized my life, it is the willingness to be a servant worker in the church, but the longer I go, the more I am also aware that this has been a service without a concentration of awareness on Jesus Himself.
It has been much easier to work than to abide, or to even think much on Christ, and this has to been to my detriment. I have rejoiced in the servant's role and felt good about myself without any deep meaning in my life. From reading the Scriptures, it appears that most of my work will be burned up like hay and stubble, and that grieves me.
Has my life been wasted? Is it too late now to do service correctly?
Thank God, the realization has come, even at this late date. I want to put my focus where it should be, on Jesus.
God help me do this and seek His opportunities for true service, not mine.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Decreasing
"He must increase, I must decrease." (John 3:30)
I know the above verse speaks truth, but I find it hard to get me out of the way so it can be true in my life.
This is brought home to me as I write this blog. The initial purpose of the blog was to journal my thoughts to God as I read the Oswald Chambers' devotional for a particular day.
But then I tend to get right in the way by thinking too much about what it will sound like to a reader, and too little about communicating to God my thoughts (and mostly questions). Who gets the glory for any good that is written? If people come up and say, "I read your blog and it was full of great insights" (no one has done that anyway), is the verse reversed, and I get the increase.
If I deflect any praise and say that God gets any glory for what I have done, I can be speaking like I know the truth of how it should be, but do I say it to appear humble? I know from experience that I can be proud to be humble.
So we are back to the pride issue once more. It is a constant battle with me, even if I do not look like it to others. God knows the heart, and I want Him to see that mine is attuned to Him. I want to see my glory in myself decreasing and His glory in my life increasing.
Again, recognizing the problem is the easy part.........
I know the above verse speaks truth, but I find it hard to get me out of the way so it can be true in my life.
This is brought home to me as I write this blog. The initial purpose of the blog was to journal my thoughts to God as I read the Oswald Chambers' devotional for a particular day.
But then I tend to get right in the way by thinking too much about what it will sound like to a reader, and too little about communicating to God my thoughts (and mostly questions). Who gets the glory for any good that is written? If people come up and say, "I read your blog and it was full of great insights" (no one has done that anyway), is the verse reversed, and I get the increase.
If I deflect any praise and say that God gets any glory for what I have done, I can be speaking like I know the truth of how it should be, but do I say it to appear humble? I know from experience that I can be proud to be humble.
So we are back to the pride issue once more. It is a constant battle with me, even if I do not look like it to others. God knows the heart, and I want Him to see that mine is attuned to Him. I want to see my glory in myself decreasing and His glory in my life increasing.
Again, recognizing the problem is the easy part.........
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Submission vs. Vindication
"If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He does not ask you to put it right; He asks you to accept the light, and He will put it right. A child of the light confesses instantly and stands bared before God; a child of the darkness says - "Oh, I can explain that away." When once the light breaks and the conviction of wrong comes, be a child of the light, and confess, and God will deal with what is wrong; if you vindicate yourself, you prove yourself to be a child of the darkness."
This paragraph above hits me on at least two levels:
1. I can see myself as a child of the light, a child of God, a Christian, by the fact of realizing that God does indeed shine His light on me when I am guilty of wrong doing. When I question my relationship to Jesus, I can look to the action of the Spirit in my life, whereby He points out to me when I am sinning. Most of the time this realization comes to me in the midst of the wrong action or attitude, not after I have done it. The Spirit says to me "be careful in what you are planning or what you are thinking, your motives are not altogether pure".
2. I also see myself as not totally living in the light, as I try to vindicate my actions, words or attitudes. God puts a check in my spirit, either as I am doing, or as I am contemplating, something. The very act of trying to justify myself leaves me in the position of putting myself first. Submission takes a back seat to self-serving.
So I am both chastised and encouraged by the same words of Chambers today. Perhaps the best thing is the fact that I can honestly try to see myself as God sees me. I can also realize that this honesty is the first step toward a closer walk. Walking honestly before God can allow the Spirit to be active in my life, changing me the way He seeks.
His will be done.
This paragraph above hits me on at least two levels:
1. I can see myself as a child of the light, a child of God, a Christian, by the fact of realizing that God does indeed shine His light on me when I am guilty of wrong doing. When I question my relationship to Jesus, I can look to the action of the Spirit in my life, whereby He points out to me when I am sinning. Most of the time this realization comes to me in the midst of the wrong action or attitude, not after I have done it. The Spirit says to me "be careful in what you are planning or what you are thinking, your motives are not altogether pure".
2. I also see myself as not totally living in the light, as I try to vindicate my actions, words or attitudes. God puts a check in my spirit, either as I am doing, or as I am contemplating, something. The very act of trying to justify myself leaves me in the position of putting myself first. Submission takes a back seat to self-serving.
So I am both chastised and encouraged by the same words of Chambers today. Perhaps the best thing is the fact that I can honestly try to see myself as God sees me. I can also realize that this honesty is the first step toward a closer walk. Walking honestly before God can allow the Spirit to be active in my life, changing me the way He seeks.
His will be done.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Cost is Me
"We cannot stay on the mount of transfiguration, but we must obey the light we received there; we must act it out. When God gives a vision, transact business on that line, no matter what it costs."
There is a cost to transacting business with God, and that cost is myself. "It is no longer I that live, it is Christ that lives in me."
My wants, my fears, my needs are all put in the background when I truly serve God. That only happens when I keep my eyes on Jesus, letting everything else fade away.
Now I realize that the above things are true, but I need to get above only the realization, and get to the living out. It is one thing to know, yet another to do.
God help me to get these things from the head down to the heart.
There is a cost to transacting business with God, and that cost is myself. "It is no longer I that live, it is Christ that lives in me."
My wants, my fears, my needs are all put in the background when I truly serve God. That only happens when I keep my eyes on Jesus, letting everything else fade away.
Now I realize that the above things are true, but I need to get above only the realization, and get to the living out. It is one thing to know, yet another to do.
God help me to get these things from the head down to the heart.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Commitment is Hard
"The imperative need spiritually is to sign the death warrant of the disposition of sin, to turn all emotional impressions and intellectual beliefs into a moral verdict against the disposition of sin, viz., my claim to my right to myself. Paul says - "I have been crucified with Christ"; he does not say - "I have determined to imitate Jesus Christ," or, "I will endeavour to follow Him" - but - "I have been identified with Him in His death." When I come to such a moral decision and act upon it, then all that Christ wrought for me on the Cross is wrought in me. The free committal of myself to God gives the Holy Spirit the chance to impart to me the holiness of Jesus Christ."
Such a long quote today, but it is hard to separate out one part to key on. There is so much there. I have read and reread it at least 20 times and still don't get it all.
"I have been crucified with Christ". Galatians 2:20. I give up the right to myself, voluntarily. It is easier to say that I will try to follow Jesus, or imitate Him, but to give up my right to myself, to make an actual commitment to be completely identified with Him, that is hard.
The questions arise: Can I actually do it and follow through? How can I do it? My "want to" has to translate into my "will do".
I make commitments every day: I'll substitute teach for you tomorrow, I'll play golf on Friday with you, I'll do the video study for your group on Sunday. These are not earth shattering commitments, just those that I say I will do, and someone will expect me to follow through. They are of limited duration and have a definite time frame connected with them.
The commitment to be identified with Jesus Christ is not open ended. It is for eternity, and that is a long time. It needs supernatural strength, and I surely cannot do it on my own. It is for the long term, but it is to be lived out one day at a time. I cannot see how it works out, but I really don't have to. My commitment is to a Person and not to a scenario.
Such a long quote today, but it is hard to separate out one part to key on. There is so much there. I have read and reread it at least 20 times and still don't get it all.
"I have been crucified with Christ". Galatians 2:20. I give up the right to myself, voluntarily. It is easier to say that I will try to follow Jesus, or imitate Him, but to give up my right to myself, to make an actual commitment to be completely identified with Him, that is hard.
The questions arise: Can I actually do it and follow through? How can I do it? My "want to" has to translate into my "will do".
I make commitments every day: I'll substitute teach for you tomorrow, I'll play golf on Friday with you, I'll do the video study for your group on Sunday. These are not earth shattering commitments, just those that I say I will do, and someone will expect me to follow through. They are of limited duration and have a definite time frame connected with them.
The commitment to be identified with Jesus Christ is not open ended. It is for eternity, and that is a long time. It needs supernatural strength, and I surely cannot do it on my own. It is for the long term, but it is to be lived out one day at a time. I cannot see how it works out, but I really don't have to. My commitment is to a Person and not to a scenario.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friends
Abraham was a friend of God, and what did that entail? He walked with Him, he heard Him speak, and he obeyed. He had faith in what God told him, and he entertained angels and maybe even Jesus Himself. I read through Hebrews chapter 11, and the faith of these men of God is foreign to me.
True friendship with the God of the Old Testament and/or the Jesus of the New Testament is not a one time thing or an on again off again relationship. It is an ongoing, living life every day communion with Him where I do not have to conjure up some special feeling to know I have it.
I have been in church all my life and accepted Jesus as my Savior early, and have had a couple of very real encounters with God over my life. These are real enough to me that there is no trouble seeing them again in my mind and feeling the hand of God on my life. But they are very few and very far between. I am grateful for His sacrifice, I am thankful for His resurrection, but I do not feel like Jesus is my cosmic buddy. There is something in my makeup that will not let me be that familiar. Savior, Guide, maybe even Lord, as those all seem pretty reverential, all feel right to me, but buddy or pal, those don't.
I feel envious at times hearing Christian folk talk about their relationship with Jesus as a continuing saga of life experiences with Him. Am I holding Him at arms length and missing out on a great blessing? How do I make my relationship better and more meaningful?
These are questions that cause me to think right now. God knows my heart, and I trust Him to give me what I need and desire in this area. Jesus loves me, this I know, because the Bible tells me so. Where do I go from here?
True friendship with the God of the Old Testament and/or the Jesus of the New Testament is not a one time thing or an on again off again relationship. It is an ongoing, living life every day communion with Him where I do not have to conjure up some special feeling to know I have it.
I have been in church all my life and accepted Jesus as my Savior early, and have had a couple of very real encounters with God over my life. These are real enough to me that there is no trouble seeing them again in my mind and feeling the hand of God on my life. But they are very few and very far between. I am grateful for His sacrifice, I am thankful for His resurrection, but I do not feel like Jesus is my cosmic buddy. There is something in my makeup that will not let me be that familiar. Savior, Guide, maybe even Lord, as those all seem pretty reverential, all feel right to me, but buddy or pal, those don't.
I feel envious at times hearing Christian folk talk about their relationship with Jesus as a continuing saga of life experiences with Him. Am I holding Him at arms length and missing out on a great blessing? How do I make my relationship better and more meaningful?
These are questions that cause me to think right now. God knows my heart, and I trust Him to give me what I need and desire in this area. Jesus loves me, this I know, because the Bible tells me so. Where do I go from here?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
More Help Needed
"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading. It is a life of Faith, not of intellect and reason, but a life of knowing Who makes us "go." The root of faith is the knowledge of a Person."
I have mentioned this before, but these readings keep bringing me back to an unsure feeling in my life that I do not know the "One who is leading".
I know that creation is a statement by God of who He is. I am awed by the immensity of the universe as I see the pictures of what is out there. I am also in awe when I look at the intricacy of the smallest flower or contemplate the human body, but I do not want to know the cosmos, I want to know the One who did it all.
I have a friend who, when he has his devotion time with God, pulls out a chair and talks to God in that chair. If I pulled out a chair I would just be talking to the chair. Is there anything that I can do to make that relationship come to pass, or at least be real to me, or is it all up to God, in His time.
My belief is in God and in His Son Jesus Christ, and I trust in no other. But do I really believe when I cannot feel close to that Person? I feel a disconnect between my belief and my experience, and I want to put it all together. Am I alone in this situation?
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, being convinced of what we do not see"(Heb. 11:1).
I really need help today......
I have mentioned this before, but these readings keep bringing me back to an unsure feeling in my life that I do not know the "One who is leading".
I know that creation is a statement by God of who He is. I am awed by the immensity of the universe as I see the pictures of what is out there. I am also in awe when I look at the intricacy of the smallest flower or contemplate the human body, but I do not want to know the cosmos, I want to know the One who did it all.
I have a friend who, when he has his devotion time with God, pulls out a chair and talks to God in that chair. If I pulled out a chair I would just be talking to the chair. Is there anything that I can do to make that relationship come to pass, or at least be real to me, or is it all up to God, in His time.
My belief is in God and in His Son Jesus Christ, and I trust in no other. But do I really believe when I cannot feel close to that Person? I feel a disconnect between my belief and my experience, and I want to put it all together. Am I alone in this situation?
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, being convinced of what we do not see"(Heb. 11:1).
I really need help today......
Friday, March 18, 2011
Heart Actions
"Is God getting His way with me, and are other people beginning to see God in my life more and more?"
Those are two good questions. I can sense the answer to the first one, but only God knows the real heart. I know it is an off and on kind of situation, sometimes I am obedient and sometimes I just appear to be. Consistency in my Christian Life is not my strong suit.
What about other people? Can they see God in my life more and more? That one is loaded. People can see the me I project, and I try to let my actions and speech reflect the fact that I acknowledge Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but folks looking from the outside don't see into my heart.
The question might rather be, do people know how much the outward actions and speech reflect the heart? I believe that a lot of the time these actions do reflect this, but I also know that I am very adept at mask-wearing, and then only God knows.
My prayer for today is for more of Jesus and less of myself as I live my life.
Those are two good questions. I can sense the answer to the first one, but only God knows the real heart. I know it is an off and on kind of situation, sometimes I am obedient and sometimes I just appear to be. Consistency in my Christian Life is not my strong suit.
What about other people? Can they see God in my life more and more? That one is loaded. People can see the me I project, and I try to let my actions and speech reflect the fact that I acknowledge Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but folks looking from the outside don't see into my heart.
The question might rather be, do people know how much the outward actions and speech reflect the heart? I believe that a lot of the time these actions do reflect this, but I also know that I am very adept at mask-wearing, and then only God knows.
My prayer for today is for more of Jesus and less of myself as I live my life.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Help!
"I have to learn to relate everything to the master ambition, and to maintain it without any cessation. My worth to God in public is what I am in private. Is my master ambition to please Him and be acceptable to Him, or is it something less, no matter how noble?"
This hits me on a variety of levels:
Worth to God
in Public
in Private
My ambition is to be worth something to God. I want my public life to be a constant factor in this worth. I want my private life, that no one sees, to be close to God, to be lived the way that is pleasing to Him, and to be mirrored in my public life. That is my desire, but it begs several questions as I look at how I actually live in both arenas.
Do I actually know God enough to see what is worth to Him?
Does my limited understanding of God, and unsureness of who it is that I am trying to serve, spill over into my self-assured public life?
Can I push past my public image, that I have tried for so long to cultivate?
Self examination is hard, if done in a truthful manner. My life is still full of questions. The more I try to pray, study and meditate on my life, the more I know that I don't know.
Almost everyone that I am around these days seems outwardly to have assurance and piety, while all I have are questions. Is it just me?
My prayer today is for God to be who and what He wants to be in my life and for me to know that. Help!
This hits me on a variety of levels:
Worth to God
in Public
in Private
My ambition is to be worth something to God. I want my public life to be a constant factor in this worth. I want my private life, that no one sees, to be close to God, to be lived the way that is pleasing to Him, and to be mirrored in my public life. That is my desire, but it begs several questions as I look at how I actually live in both arenas.
Do I actually know God enough to see what is worth to Him?
Does my limited understanding of God, and unsureness of who it is that I am trying to serve, spill over into my self-assured public life?
Can I push past my public image, that I have tried for so long to cultivate?
Self examination is hard, if done in a truthful manner. My life is still full of questions. The more I try to pray, study and meditate on my life, the more I know that I don't know.
Almost everyone that I am around these days seems outwardly to have assurance and piety, while all I have are questions. Is it just me?
My prayer today is for God to be who and what He wants to be in my life and for me to know that. Help!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Unconscious Unreality
Chambers says today: "Walking in the light, for many of us, is walking according to our standard for another person." He then says that this equates to unconscious unreality, which is worse than hypocrisy.
The key here seems to be his reference to "our" standard. If I truly walk in the Light, then the standard of living has to be Jesus Christ's standard, or Christ Himself. If I say that my standard is important then I am living in unconscious unreality, that I am not walking in Truth.
I do that by judging others, and what their lives are about, by my standards and usually mine are "better", or so I think. There is a major element of pride in all of this, as if "my light" is the guiding power that others should be able to see and live by.
This is the height of folly, and I know it, but my judging does nothing to admit to this. It is unreality pure and simple.
Only God has the Light and only He can place the correct standard before me. His standards are Truth and are for all men everywhere. I need to urge others to live by that Light and not substitute my own puny beam for that .
If I truly walk in that Light, it will be that Light that shines through my life, and I sure do not need to take credit for any good that comes out of it.
God Help me to get out of the way and not block your Light.
The key here seems to be his reference to "our" standard. If I truly walk in the Light, then the standard of living has to be Jesus Christ's standard, or Christ Himself. If I say that my standard is important then I am living in unconscious unreality, that I am not walking in Truth.
I do that by judging others, and what their lives are about, by my standards and usually mine are "better", or so I think. There is a major element of pride in all of this, as if "my light" is the guiding power that others should be able to see and live by.
This is the height of folly, and I know it, but my judging does nothing to admit to this. It is unreality pure and simple.
Only God has the Light and only He can place the correct standard before me. His standards are Truth and are for all men everywhere. I need to urge others to live by that Light and not substitute my own puny beam for that .
If I truly walk in that Light, it will be that Light that shines through my life, and I sure do not need to take credit for any good that comes out of it.
God Help me to get out of the way and not block your Light.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Followship
What are the images of Jesus that I see when I think of Him? I see a teacher on the hillside, instructing men and women on how to live, I see a man welcoming children to sit with Him, I see a man enduring all sorts of pain and punishment and dying without complaint, and I see a healer. These are correct of course, but they are not all.
Chambers devotion today focuses on Jesus as the assured, purposeful leader of men. A man on a mission that no one can deny. All we can see is His back as He strides in front of us. The destination is unknown, and all we can do is follow.
I want to see Jesus as a different type of leader. I want to see a teacher dropping pearls of wisdom around me so that I will know how to live each day. I want to be able to sit down and talk about these things, and how they affect my life. Then I want to be able to sit and ponder about what He said. I want to sit by my fire and contemplate morality, and the meaning of my life.
How different is the Man of Chambers reading. There is no time to talk, there is action to take. There is a mission out there somewhere that He is leading me to. He is leading from the front, not walking alongside and explaining it to me. All I need to do is follow faithfully, but what I really want to do is sit and think about it. No, what I really want to do most of the time is do my own thing without any regard for Him at all.
I want Jesus to lead in my life, but I want Him to tell me the whys, wheres, hows and whens ahead of time.
I remember flying in Alaska (actually Mayre is flying, I am looking out the window at nothing), when all we could follow was the radio beacon, following a heading on the instruments. No time to think only follow. No fun!
I want to follow Jesus' back as He leads in front of me, but a lot of the time I can't make Him out ahead of me in the fog of life. I say I will follow Him if I can see Him, but will I really, or just stay back by the fire and think about it, or forget about Him entirely?
God help me.
Chambers devotion today focuses on Jesus as the assured, purposeful leader of men. A man on a mission that no one can deny. All we can see is His back as He strides in front of us. The destination is unknown, and all we can do is follow.
I want to see Jesus as a different type of leader. I want to see a teacher dropping pearls of wisdom around me so that I will know how to live each day. I want to be able to sit down and talk about these things, and how they affect my life. Then I want to be able to sit and ponder about what He said. I want to sit by my fire and contemplate morality, and the meaning of my life.
How different is the Man of Chambers reading. There is no time to talk, there is action to take. There is a mission out there somewhere that He is leading me to. He is leading from the front, not walking alongside and explaining it to me. All I need to do is follow faithfully, but what I really want to do is sit and think about it. No, what I really want to do most of the time is do my own thing without any regard for Him at all.
I want Jesus to lead in my life, but I want Him to tell me the whys, wheres, hows and whens ahead of time.
I remember flying in Alaska (actually Mayre is flying, I am looking out the window at nothing), when all we could follow was the radio beacon, following a heading on the instruments. No time to think only follow. No fun!
I want to follow Jesus' back as He leads in front of me, but a lot of the time I can't make Him out ahead of me in the fog of life. I say I will follow Him if I can see Him, but will I really, or just stay back by the fire and think about it, or forget about Him entirely?
God help me.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Dominated? Me?
Domination: What am I dominated by? Chambers says today that we are dominated by what we have yielded to in the past.
"If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because at a point away back I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because I have yielded myself to Him."
So what have I yielded to? What are the prominent sins in my life?
This is very appropriate today as I think back on my prison experience the past few days. Ware State Prison is a maximum security facility. There is only one classification higher in the state and that houses death row inmates. A lot of the men at Ware are serving long sentences for capital crimes. A lot of these men have yielded to something back in their lives that have led them to this point. In a lot of cases it is drugs. That first yielding to these addictive substances has put them where they are today.
How about me? Can I relate my life to those in prison? Sure, they are held captive by real bars (and wire) and sometimes still by the habit that they yielded to in the first place.
What am I a slave to? What have I yielded to, somewhere back there, that still holds me today? The ones that stalk my life most every day are selfishness and pride. I want what I want and I want people to think I am good.
I even had a thought while in prison that I can be proud to be in there serving. People will come up and say something like "you are doing something great in giving of your time to do that kind of ministry", and I want to believe what they say is true. If I am humble and say that it is nothing, that anyone could do what I do, I can even be proud to be humble. It is a deceptive sin, and I fall for it hook, line and sinker.
Chambers says that the only way out of these traps is a yielding of myself to the domination of Christ. I know that is true, but those sins are so nice to the ego that, most of the time, my yielding is temporary.
Recognizing the problem is easy, confessing it is a little bit harder, but a true yielding to Christ is the only thing that will overcome it.
God, give me the "want to" and the power to be that overcomer.
"If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because at a point away back I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because I have yielded myself to Him."
So what have I yielded to? What are the prominent sins in my life?
This is very appropriate today as I think back on my prison experience the past few days. Ware State Prison is a maximum security facility. There is only one classification higher in the state and that houses death row inmates. A lot of the men at Ware are serving long sentences for capital crimes. A lot of these men have yielded to something back in their lives that have led them to this point. In a lot of cases it is drugs. That first yielding to these addictive substances has put them where they are today.
How about me? Can I relate my life to those in prison? Sure, they are held captive by real bars (and wire) and sometimes still by the habit that they yielded to in the first place.
What am I a slave to? What have I yielded to, somewhere back there, that still holds me today? The ones that stalk my life most every day are selfishness and pride. I want what I want and I want people to think I am good.
I even had a thought while in prison that I can be proud to be in there serving. People will come up and say something like "you are doing something great in giving of your time to do that kind of ministry", and I want to believe what they say is true. If I am humble and say that it is nothing, that anyone could do what I do, I can even be proud to be humble. It is a deceptive sin, and I fall for it hook, line and sinker.
Chambers says that the only way out of these traps is a yielding of myself to the domination of Christ. I know that is true, but those sins are so nice to the ego that, most of the time, my yielding is temporary.
Recognizing the problem is easy, confessing it is a little bit harder, but a true yielding to Christ is the only thing that will overcome it.
God, give me the "want to" and the power to be that overcomer.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Report from Prison (yes, they let me out again)
I'm just back from three and one half days in Ware State Prison in Waycross. I've been in there numerous times, but each time is different in some ways. It all depends on the warden, the inmates in the weekend program, the weather, the cooperation of the officers and the cooperation of the chaplain.
This time the cooperation from all was great, the weather was good and the inmate population was the only main variable. The prison is crowded, the result of the state closing several facilities. The prison population is getting younger, probably the result of a lot of drug related convictions, and the authorities say this age group is difficult to control. A lot of them have had no structure or discipline in their lives, for various reasons, and they challenge authority at every opportunity. One of the officers stated that they used to have about 20 stabbings a year, and now it is runs that many per month.
The residents on our Walk were indeed younger, but we could not attest to the violence part. Our group's behavior is generally better because of the selection process and this time was no exception. They participated fully in the program, and their tears were genuine at the closing.
Prison is not a trusting environment. Inmates do not confide in another, because they can be betrayed or hurt, so a very telling symbol of the program's worth is the picture of 3 inmates, who did not even know each other when they came in on Thursday, sitting in a small group, holding hands and praying for each other. This is not an isolated snapshot, but the whole scene in the room was inmates in pairs or trios sitting together doing this. Included were blacks, whites and hispanics, everyone in ardent prayer for the other or others in his group.
Two comments from the closing summarize the feelings of a lot of the men. One said "I came in on Thursday knowing that no one cared about me, but here on Sunday I can say that there are men who do care and they point me to the One who loves and cares the most."
Another said that the best thing that ever happened to him was coming to prison. For one thing it kept him from being killed on the street, and he also found love in his life for the very first time.
It is true that we presented a Christian message, but the main thing we did was to show love to the men and treat them like human beings. A smile, a hug and a genuine concern goes a long way toward making a man regain his dignity.
It is not a hard ministry, but it is very gratifying to see the changes in the lives of the men who attend.
We all need to pray for inmates in our prison system. It is true that there are a lot of bad apples, even evil men and women, but it is also true that a lot are in need of someone who can point them the way to Jesus, and maybe smile in the process.
This time the cooperation from all was great, the weather was good and the inmate population was the only main variable. The prison is crowded, the result of the state closing several facilities. The prison population is getting younger, probably the result of a lot of drug related convictions, and the authorities say this age group is difficult to control. A lot of them have had no structure or discipline in their lives, for various reasons, and they challenge authority at every opportunity. One of the officers stated that they used to have about 20 stabbings a year, and now it is runs that many per month.
The residents on our Walk were indeed younger, but we could not attest to the violence part. Our group's behavior is generally better because of the selection process and this time was no exception. They participated fully in the program, and their tears were genuine at the closing.
Prison is not a trusting environment. Inmates do not confide in another, because they can be betrayed or hurt, so a very telling symbol of the program's worth is the picture of 3 inmates, who did not even know each other when they came in on Thursday, sitting in a small group, holding hands and praying for each other. This is not an isolated snapshot, but the whole scene in the room was inmates in pairs or trios sitting together doing this. Included were blacks, whites and hispanics, everyone in ardent prayer for the other or others in his group.
Two comments from the closing summarize the feelings of a lot of the men. One said "I came in on Thursday knowing that no one cared about me, but here on Sunday I can say that there are men who do care and they point me to the One who loves and cares the most."
Another said that the best thing that ever happened to him was coming to prison. For one thing it kept him from being killed on the street, and he also found love in his life for the very first time.
It is true that we presented a Christian message, but the main thing we did was to show love to the men and treat them like human beings. A smile, a hug and a genuine concern goes a long way toward making a man regain his dignity.
It is not a hard ministry, but it is very gratifying to see the changes in the lives of the men who attend.
We all need to pray for inmates in our prison system. It is true that there are a lot of bad apples, even evil men and women, but it is also true that a lot are in need of someone who can point them the way to Jesus, and maybe smile in the process.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Real Abandonment
I read the Chambers devotion for today early this morning before I left to go back to prison for the day. I know the title is Abandonment and the article is about "real" abandonment. So I tried to think about this as I was inside the wire today.
Abandonment to God that is real, according to Chambers, is nothing but complete focus on God Himself. No thought of family, of wife, of job, of anything but God. There is no thought of being cleansed from sin, of receiving the Holy Spirit and becoming a great Christian servant. Only the focus counts and all else is mainly self interest.
So what about a day of ministry in prison. God has worked in the lives of inmates and, I believe, in workers as well. I can only speak for myself, but I felt the confirmation of what we are doing just in simple acts that happened over the course of the day. An inmate asking me to pray with him about some concerns, a talk that was given, another inmate who came down and prayed with me after the talk as I was sitting alone in the chapel, several one on one conversations that seemed well received by the inmate concerned. Nothing earth shattering, but just a feeling that God was in it with me.
Now I know that this is far short of the abandonment as defined up above. I realized this as the day moved forward. It was not even close. My thoughts were concentrated on the actions of myself and others as we went through the program, not just on God Himself.
I have a feeling that Chambers is right, but I cannot grasp a vision of what that actually looks like or how to get there. It is hard to be busy in service and take time to concentrate on God through that time.
Perhaps the busyness is the key. If I concentrate on God, any actual service will flow from that, and not the other way around.
The dilemma is how to go about this abandonment, if God would show me how, and not appear a shirker in the service realm. What would others say? That is a problem for someone who always wants to look good.
The questions raised almost seem rhetorical when Chambers definition is used. The next question, Me?
HELP
Abandonment to God that is real, according to Chambers, is nothing but complete focus on God Himself. No thought of family, of wife, of job, of anything but God. There is no thought of being cleansed from sin, of receiving the Holy Spirit and becoming a great Christian servant. Only the focus counts and all else is mainly self interest.
So what about a day of ministry in prison. God has worked in the lives of inmates and, I believe, in workers as well. I can only speak for myself, but I felt the confirmation of what we are doing just in simple acts that happened over the course of the day. An inmate asking me to pray with him about some concerns, a talk that was given, another inmate who came down and prayed with me after the talk as I was sitting alone in the chapel, several one on one conversations that seemed well received by the inmate concerned. Nothing earth shattering, but just a feeling that God was in it with me.
Now I know that this is far short of the abandonment as defined up above. I realized this as the day moved forward. It was not even close. My thoughts were concentrated on the actions of myself and others as we went through the program, not just on God Himself.
I have a feeling that Chambers is right, but I cannot grasp a vision of what that actually looks like or how to get there. It is hard to be busy in service and take time to concentrate on God through that time.
Perhaps the busyness is the key. If I concentrate on God, any actual service will flow from that, and not the other way around.
The dilemma is how to go about this abandonment, if God would show me how, and not appear a shirker in the service realm. What would others say? That is a problem for someone who always wants to look good.
The questions raised almost seem rhetorical when Chambers definition is used. The next question, Me?
HELP
Friday, March 11, 2011
View from Prison
Yesterday I went into prison with about 20 other men to minister to 42 inmates. Those numbers do not sound impressive, but if the multiplication factor works, and we know it does, the impact on the prison population will be much more than the 42 men that are in the room with us.
The Kairos weekend is not meant to be a end in itself. It is the start of a journey for some, the call to a journey for all and a means of men catching a vision of knowing and serving God.
I have to be careful that I do not get caught up in the mechanics of the weekend and forget the individuals involved. It is about God and the inmates, and not me.
Today I have a talk to give about Discovery. Discovery of what it means to follow Jesus Christ, Discovery of the journey of knowing Him and serving Him.
I pray that I will remember that we are all on this journey and that we never discover all that God has for us out there. I pray that I will see the vision, and that I will live each day of the journey in the moment and not just striving toward some goal at the end.
The Kairos weekend is not meant to be a end in itself. It is the start of a journey for some, the call to a journey for all and a means of men catching a vision of knowing and serving God.
I have to be careful that I do not get caught up in the mechanics of the weekend and forget the individuals involved. It is about God and the inmates, and not me.
Today I have a talk to give about Discovery. Discovery of what it means to follow Jesus Christ, Discovery of the journey of knowing Him and serving Him.
I pray that I will remember that we are all on this journey and that we never discover all that God has for us out there. I pray that I will see the vision, and that I will live each day of the journey in the moment and not just striving toward some goal at the end.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Message for Prison
Today is the day that I go back into prison again. I have been in this same prison many times before, but there is always a little bit of uneasiness each time I go in. I am not fearful of the surroundings or of the men on the inside, I am more fearful of my actions and words while I am there.
Going in, there is nothing that I can predict as to what the outcome of the weekend will be. I know what it can be in the lives of the men involved, but, since I do not know any of the inmates coming to the sessions, I don't know how each will be affected. I do not know what the individual stories of the men will be, or how I can relate to them.
The only thing I can do at this point is to remind myself that God is in control in all of this, and I definitely am not. His will will be done, and all I need to do is get out of the way and be obedient to what He wants me to do. I need to live in the moment and not worry about how it will all work out. It will.
I want my life in front of these guys and in front of God to be the message that He wants given out.
That is my prayer for today....
Going in, there is nothing that I can predict as to what the outcome of the weekend will be. I know what it can be in the lives of the men involved, but, since I do not know any of the inmates coming to the sessions, I don't know how each will be affected. I do not know what the individual stories of the men will be, or how I can relate to them.
The only thing I can do at this point is to remind myself that God is in control in all of this, and I definitely am not. His will will be done, and all I need to do is get out of the way and be obedient to what He wants me to do. I need to live in the moment and not worry about how it will all work out. It will.
I want my life in front of these guys and in front of God to be the message that He wants given out.
That is my prayer for today....
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Service Secrets
"Will ye also go away?" John 6:67
"A penetrating question. Our Lord's words come home most when He talks in the most simple way. We know Who Jesus is, but in spite of that He says - "Will ye also go away?" "
"From that time many of His disciples went back, and walked no more with Him." They went back from walking with Jesus, not into sin, but they relapsed. Many to-day are spending and being spent in work for Jesus Christ, but they do not walk with Him. Never try to live the life with God on any other line than God's line, and that line is absolute devotion to Him. The certainty that I do not know - that is the secret of going with Jesus."
I see at least two things in these sentences that hit me in my Christian life. One is that many of us, me included, are spending or being spent in work for Jesus Christ, but are not walking with Him. Therefore we are doing a lot in our own power and strength even if we are doing it for Him. We see a job to do, do it, and then come back to Jesus to walk with Him. Doing a task while continuing to walk with Christ would let Him carry us through.
The second idea that " the certainty that I do not know-that is the secret of going with Jesus". There is the certainty that, indeed, I do not know the master plan because it is not mine, I am only working alongside the Master Himself. There is also the certainty that I do not know the way it will all work out in the end, in fact I do not even know how to get there. A lot of the time I want to see the ending before I even begin. How much better it would be to just Trust and Walk alongside.
To Know that He Knows should be enough for me.
Lord, let it be so......
"A penetrating question. Our Lord's words come home most when He talks in the most simple way. We know Who Jesus is, but in spite of that He says - "Will ye also go away?" "
"From that time many of His disciples went back, and walked no more with Him." They went back from walking with Jesus, not into sin, but they relapsed. Many to-day are spending and being spent in work for Jesus Christ, but they do not walk with Him. Never try to live the life with God on any other line than God's line, and that line is absolute devotion to Him. The certainty that I do not know - that is the secret of going with Jesus."
I see at least two things in these sentences that hit me in my Christian life. One is that many of us, me included, are spending or being spent in work for Jesus Christ, but are not walking with Him. Therefore we are doing a lot in our own power and strength even if we are doing it for Him. We see a job to do, do it, and then come back to Jesus to walk with Him. Doing a task while continuing to walk with Christ would let Him carry us through.
The second idea that " the certainty that I do not know-that is the secret of going with Jesus". There is the certainty that, indeed, I do not know the master plan because it is not mine, I am only working alongside the Master Himself. There is also the certainty that I do not know the way it will all work out in the end, in fact I do not even know how to get there. A lot of the time I want to see the ending before I even begin. How much better it would be to just Trust and Walk alongside.
To Know that He Knows should be enough for me.
Lord, let it be so......
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A Life of Questions
"But we must relinquish all pretense of being any thing, all claim of being worthy of God's consideration. "
It seems to me that the key words in this selection are relinquish and pretense. Give up voluntarily the mask that I wear in front of others that make me look good in their eyes. There is also the idea that I give up thoughts of myself and my worth as I try to justify myself before God.
Are other people fooled by this pretense? Sometimes. Is God fooled? Of course not. So which is the most important to me? If I keep up the pretense, then the answer is obvious, I care more about the praise of men than the praise of God, and that is a very short sighted trade off.
What does this pretense look like in my Christian world? Smiling always at church, bowing my head to pray when I am not, singing with gusto without reflecting on the words or their meaning and generally just being a model Christian when I am far from that. I want to be seen as a dedicated, Spirit-filled person, but know deep down that I am not.
God knows my thoughts and fears. He knows my pretenses. So how do I relinquish them before Him? I know that He knows, and that He knows that I know. So what now? How do I live a life of complete honesty before God and before men?
My life seems a series of questions, but I guess the best thing about that is the fact that one must know the questions before the answers come.
My prayer today is for honesty and wisdom, and, above all, HELP.
It seems to me that the key words in this selection are relinquish and pretense. Give up voluntarily the mask that I wear in front of others that make me look good in their eyes. There is also the idea that I give up thoughts of myself and my worth as I try to justify myself before God.
Are other people fooled by this pretense? Sometimes. Is God fooled? Of course not. So which is the most important to me? If I keep up the pretense, then the answer is obvious, I care more about the praise of men than the praise of God, and that is a very short sighted trade off.
What does this pretense look like in my Christian world? Smiling always at church, bowing my head to pray when I am not, singing with gusto without reflecting on the words or their meaning and generally just being a model Christian when I am far from that. I want to be seen as a dedicated, Spirit-filled person, but know deep down that I am not.
God knows my thoughts and fears. He knows my pretenses. So how do I relinquish them before Him? I know that He knows, and that He knows that I know. So what now? How do I live a life of complete honesty before God and before men?
My life seems a series of questions, but I guess the best thing about that is the fact that one must know the questions before the answers come.
My prayer today is for honesty and wisdom, and, above all, HELP.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Undaunted
"Undaunted radiance is not built on anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can alter. The experiences of life, terrible or monotonous, are impotent to touch the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
It seems my thoughts over these past few days all have to do with going back into prison. I am not fearful of anything external when I go into that place, but always a little afraid of not living up to what God expects of me while I am there. There is a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, or of not being ready to do the right thing. Afraid that these lapses of word, deed or judgment might cause one of the new Kairos inmates to receive the wrong impression of who God is or how He wants to relate to them.
I thought a lot about this the first time I went in, and still think of it somewhat each and every time. I know I will not be at my best for Him if I think I can do everything just right without any help. At that point a little fear, maybe just not the crippling kind, can be healthy. I know I can mess up at any time, but I also know that Romans 8:37 still holds true; "in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us".
When I look back on past experiences on these walks, I can see how God has worked in the lives of the men in spite of me. He will cause those guys to see Him as He wants to. His will will not be thwarted and all of it is in His hands. To me this is confirmation of my role, which is to show up and be available.
My prayer is that those 42 inmates will come face to face with the living God and that I will be faithful to do the task He puts in front of me.
It seems my thoughts over these past few days all have to do with going back into prison. I am not fearful of anything external when I go into that place, but always a little afraid of not living up to what God expects of me while I am there. There is a fear of saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, or of not being ready to do the right thing. Afraid that these lapses of word, deed or judgment might cause one of the new Kairos inmates to receive the wrong impression of who God is or how He wants to relate to them.
I thought a lot about this the first time I went in, and still think of it somewhat each and every time. I know I will not be at my best for Him if I think I can do everything just right without any help. At that point a little fear, maybe just not the crippling kind, can be healthy. I know I can mess up at any time, but I also know that Romans 8:37 still holds true; "in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us".
When I look back on past experiences on these walks, I can see how God has worked in the lives of the men in spite of me. He will cause those guys to see Him as He wants to. His will will not be thwarted and all of it is in His hands. To me this is confirmation of my role, which is to show up and be available.
My prayer is that those 42 inmates will come face to face with the living God and that I will be faithful to do the task He puts in front of me.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Prison Thoughts
Yesterday, I paid a visit to two men in prison. Both are men who accepted Christ while in the early stages of their confinement. They have matured in faith and are grateful for the personal contact. They are also "safe" for me to visit and talk to. They do not expect me to deliver a great theological message to them or give them great nuggets of spiritual wisdom that will lead them toward God. They are "safe" because they are probably living better and more productive Christian lives than I am.
They simply want to know that I care about them, and that part is easy. I do care and make the effort to show them. They thank me profusely for taking my "valuable time" to drive over and spend a Saturday visiting. But I know, down deep, that I have a lot of time available to me and that it is more of a "convenient sacrifice" than a real one.
People say that I am doing what Jesus would do, and as He said that His disciples would do for Him, and I do think of that sometimes, but mostly I just want to encourage two men that are trying to live Christian lives in a distinctly non-Christian environment.
It will not be "safe" this weekend when I go into the prison again and meet with 42 men that do not know me and that I do not know. They might expect me to actually live the life that I am telling them is the Way. I am looking forward to going, but I will need all the help God can give me. At least I realize that I cannot do it on my own.
My prayer is simple, Help!
They simply want to know that I care about them, and that part is easy. I do care and make the effort to show them. They thank me profusely for taking my "valuable time" to drive over and spend a Saturday visiting. But I know, down deep, that I have a lot of time available to me and that it is more of a "convenient sacrifice" than a real one.
People say that I am doing what Jesus would do, and as He said that His disciples would do for Him, and I do think of that sometimes, but mostly I just want to encourage two men that are trying to live Christian lives in a distinctly non-Christian environment.
It will not be "safe" this weekend when I go into the prison again and meet with 42 men that do not know me and that I do not know. They might expect me to actually live the life that I am telling them is the Way. I am looking forward to going, but I will need all the help God can give me. At least I realize that I cannot do it on my own.
My prayer is simple, Help!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
A Call
A need that I perceive is not a call. The need is the opportunity for me to do something about it. The call is the impression that God puts in my heart to do something for Him. That these two may work in tandem is obvious, but I have to be careful that I do not mistake what it is that God has called me to.
Today I go off to visit two guys in two separate prisons. These are men that I had the good fortune to get to know as I worked the Kairos walk in a prison near here. We have corresponded over the years since they both left the prison where we met. Both are in for a very long time, and neither knows whether they will ever get out or not. They have become Christ's servants in the places they have been held.
There is probably no question that God has called them to serve where they are. They can't go anywhere. Their only choice is what to do. One ministers through music and the other through leadership in His body in that place.
What about me? I can serve in a lot of different places, and I try to do what is needed wherever I am. But are these all a call, or can I nail it down to a priority of service.
For me I feel it is prison. Sometimes it is the going in to minister. Sometimes it is correspondence. Sometimes it is in the sending of books and materials to help those inside. All of those give me joy and I think gives God joy also.
Today is one of those days....
Today I go off to visit two guys in two separate prisons. These are men that I had the good fortune to get to know as I worked the Kairos walk in a prison near here. We have corresponded over the years since they both left the prison where we met. Both are in for a very long time, and neither knows whether they will ever get out or not. They have become Christ's servants in the places they have been held.
There is probably no question that God has called them to serve where they are. They can't go anywhere. Their only choice is what to do. One ministers through music and the other through leadership in His body in that place.
What about me? I can serve in a lot of different places, and I try to do what is needed wherever I am. But are these all a call, or can I nail it down to a priority of service.
For me I feel it is prison. Sometimes it is the going in to minister. Sometimes it is correspondence. Sometimes it is in the sending of books and materials to help those inside. All of those give me joy and I think gives God joy also.
Today is one of those days....
Friday, March 4, 2011
Could This Be Me?
I can't paraphrase Chambers today, I have to put the whole paragraph in here:
"It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment. You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God. But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the common-sense basis."
This is a lot to think about and ponder. Where do I stand on my time for God and service for Him?
I can look at my motives and sometimes see self-serving interests taking precedence, making me look better or feel better about myself. I can be proud of my service and think that God must be very pleased. How much of what I do is convenient for me? Is there any real sacrifice involved?
I can only wonder what Chambers' thoughts would look like in my life, because I sure don't have much actual experience to reflect on.
Are my acts of service as the result of a call from Jesus Christ or the request of a fellow believer?
I wonder......
Lord, may it be so.....
"It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment. You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God. But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the common-sense basis."
This is a lot to think about and ponder. Where do I stand on my time for God and service for Him?
I can look at my motives and sometimes see self-serving interests taking precedence, making me look better or feel better about myself. I can be proud of my service and think that God must be very pleased. How much of what I do is convenient for me? Is there any real sacrifice involved?
I can only wonder what Chambers' thoughts would look like in my life, because I sure don't have much actual experience to reflect on.
Are my acts of service as the result of a call from Jesus Christ or the request of a fellow believer?
I wonder......
Lord, may it be so.....
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Prison Sheep
From today's reading:
"Peter now realizes, with the revelation of the Lord's hurting question, that he does love Him, then comes the point-"Spend it out". Don't testify how much you love Me, don't profess about the marvelous revelation you have had, but - "Feed My sheep." And Jesus has some extraordinarily funny sheep, some bedraggled, dirty sheep, some awkward, butting sheep, some sheep that have gone astray!"
I have spent some time this week getting ready to go into prison. There are letters to write, a talk to prepare, and all the arrangements to make to go. But as I do all this and reflect on Chambers' writing, I ask myself "Why?" Perhaps today's reading has a bearing on all of that.
There are a lot of sheep in prison, and they are not much different from the sheep on the outside. These men have some of the same hurts, fears, dreams and heartaches as the rest of us, but they are locked away, some for a very long time. They are forgotten by society and often by their own families. A very high percentage of them have not had a letter or visit in 5 years time. They must feel that they are just a number in a system and no one really cares.
About 12 years ago, a friend of mine asked me if I would work a walk in prison. At that time I had just been on the Walk to Emmaus and felt that God wanted me to be obedient to His call for service. I did not know if this was it, but I was willing to see. I found I could talk to and relate to these men. I saw it was not a scary situation for me and that I had a heart for them.
Even now, when I drive past a work crew on the side of the road, and these men have "State Prisoner" on their backs, I see sheep, and I know that they are not that much different than me.
It is not hard for me to recognize sheep, "for I are one".
Feed my sheep.
"Peter now realizes, with the revelation of the Lord's hurting question, that he does love Him, then comes the point-"Spend it out". Don't testify how much you love Me, don't profess about the marvelous revelation you have had, but - "Feed My sheep." And Jesus has some extraordinarily funny sheep, some bedraggled, dirty sheep, some awkward, butting sheep, some sheep that have gone astray!"
I have spent some time this week getting ready to go into prison. There are letters to write, a talk to prepare, and all the arrangements to make to go. But as I do all this and reflect on Chambers' writing, I ask myself "Why?" Perhaps today's reading has a bearing on all of that.
There are a lot of sheep in prison, and they are not much different from the sheep on the outside. These men have some of the same hurts, fears, dreams and heartaches as the rest of us, but they are locked away, some for a very long time. They are forgotten by society and often by their own families. A very high percentage of them have not had a letter or visit in 5 years time. They must feel that they are just a number in a system and no one really cares.
About 12 years ago, a friend of mine asked me if I would work a walk in prison. At that time I had just been on the Walk to Emmaus and felt that God wanted me to be obedient to His call for service. I did not know if this was it, but I was willing to see. I found I could talk to and relate to these men. I saw it was not a scary situation for me and that I had a heart for them.
Even now, when I drive past a work crew on the side of the road, and these men have "State Prisoner" on their backs, I see sheep, and I know that they are not that much different than me.
It is not hard for me to recognize sheep, "for I are one".
Feed my sheep.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Hurt by Jesus
The Scripture lesson today is in John 21 where Jesus asks Peter three times If he loves Him. Peter is hurt deep down when Jesus questions him, especially the third time.
Chambers says that this particular hurt reaches down where only God can go, and that its purpose in Peter's life was to show him how much he really did love Jesus.
So, I go back to the question at the top. Have I ever felt this hurt? I really think I have to go back to Jesus' original question to Peter, "Do you love Me?", and, although I would answer in the affirmative, I really don't know the extent and depth of that love.
Am I willing to be broken by God to the point of knowing just how deeply I love Jesus?
I pray that this is so......
Chambers says that this particular hurt reaches down where only God can go, and that its purpose in Peter's life was to show him how much he really did love Jesus.
So, I go back to the question at the top. Have I ever felt this hurt? I really think I have to go back to Jesus' original question to Peter, "Do you love Me?", and, although I would answer in the affirmative, I really don't know the extent and depth of that love.
Am I willing to be broken by God to the point of knowing just how deeply I love Jesus?
I pray that this is so......
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Impossible?
There is a story told in Luke 18 about a blind man who knew Jesus was passing by, so he called out and got His attention. Jesus asked him what he wanted Him to do for him, and the man answered concerning his sight.
Men could not help the blind man, only God could do the impossible. God is in the "impossible accomplishing" business.
What impossible thing would I ask for? Maybe it is because of my stage in life, but I want to have that intimate walk with Jesus that I have asked for before. There is no way I can conjure this up on my own, it is beyond possible for me. It can only come in one way. God has to do it. No amount of striving on my part can make it happen.
Lord, do the impossible in my life.
Amen
Men could not help the blind man, only God could do the impossible. God is in the "impossible accomplishing" business.
What impossible thing would I ask for? Maybe it is because of my stage in life, but I want to have that intimate walk with Jesus that I have asked for before. There is no way I can conjure this up on my own, it is beyond possible for me. It can only come in one way. God has to do it. No amount of striving on my part can make it happen.
Lord, do the impossible in my life.
Amen
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