A Life of Questions

   "But we must relinquish all pretense of being any thing, all claim of being worthy of God's consideration. "

   It seems to me that the key words in this selection are relinquish and pretense. Give up voluntarily the mask that I wear in front of others that make me look good in their eyes. There is also the idea that I give up thoughts of myself and my worth as I try to justify myself before God.

   Are other people fooled by this pretense? Sometimes. Is God fooled? Of course not. So which is the most important to me? If I keep up the pretense, then the answer is obvious, I care more about the praise of men than the praise of God, and that is a very short sighted trade off.

   What does this pretense look like in my Christian world? Smiling always at church, bowing my head to pray when I am not, singing with gusto without reflecting on the words or their meaning and generally just being a model Christian when I am far from that. I want to be seen as a dedicated, Spirit-filled person, but know deep down that I am not.

   God knows my thoughts and fears. He knows my pretenses. So how do I relinquish them before Him? I know that He knows, and that He knows that I know. So what now? How do I live a life of complete honesty before God and before men?

   My life seems a series of questions, but I guess the best thing about that is the fact that one must know the questions before the answers come.

   My prayer today is for honesty and wisdom, and, above all, HELP.