Standing on the Inside

   "There is the story of the defiant youngster who was repeatedly told to sit and be still. Finally, completely exasperated, the teacher says, "Johnny if you don't sit down, I'll..." As the child sat, the teacher asks him what he was thinking now. Without missing a beat Johnny says, "on the outside I'm sitting but I'm still standing on the inside".

   Chambers talks today about surrender:

   "True surrender is not simply surrender of our external life but surrender of our will, and once that is done, surrender is complete. The greatest crisis we ever face is the surrender of our will. Yet God never forces a person's will into surrender, and He never begs. He patiently waits until that person willingly yields to Him. And once that battle has been fought, it never needs to be fought again."

   Surrender to God is voluntary. God does not tell me to put my hands in the air and give up as He holds a gun to my head. If I surrender under duress, I am just as likely to take it back when the crises is past. That is not a surrender that will last.

   But I say "I am an American, and I will never give up. I will stand on the bow of the ship as it goes down and vow never to give in. I am free and independent, and there I will stand".

   There is a real tension between what we are taught growing up and what God desires of our lives and will. He wants us to love so much that we give up any right to ourselves, and that is hard for me to do. I know, deep down, that it is the way I should go, but everything around me says "assert yourself and be your own man".

   So do I surrender myself on Sunday and forget it the rest of the week? Another rhetorical question that I know the correct answer to, BUT...

   sadly, most of the time I'm still standing on the inside..